today 1/8/10

First of all I must say thank you to everyone that has been praying for my family and me.  Thank you to Keala who had the idea to journal my thoughts and feelings as I embark upon this journey.  Thank you to my co workers, family , friends and others that have been supportive of me through many many prayers…..

 

Words can't express how I feel.  I didn't know that so many cared. There are people who have been watching me come to work everyday in pain.  Trying to remain as normal as possible.  I know that they hear me whimpering sometimes trying to remain the strong "Cynthia".  It just comes over me so quickly.  I pray... I pray and I pray... soon the constant drainage,pain, wearing a bra 24/7 will soon be over........ 

 

This passed week has been crazy.  There are so many things going on at once that I can't help be think that God is working things out just as he promised.  What I mean is that even though I struggle to get up every day to come to work, the fact is.... that he allows me to get up.  There are some people that didn't make it through the night. Even though this insurance is extremely high and the amounts of my medical bills are even higher , God will make a way for those things to be taken care of as well.

 

 

1/9/10 I am counting down the days until my surgery. Six days and I will have this mass removed from my breast.. However,today I am spending the entire day with my daughter.   I am taking her wherever she wants to go.  This day is especially dear to me because through all that has happened over the last three months, she has been right by my side.  Never asking me for anything.  No shoes, clothes, jewelry, not anything has she requested.  Today she will get the most precious gift that I have ...... time.

 

We started the day early... we laughed and talked and window shopped.... the look on her face was invaluable. Che' kept saying that the loves spending time with her mom.  She made me feel really good.  Che' asked how long would I be down, unable to drive or have a girls day with her.  I told her that I will be up and moving around in no time but that today was just for her.....we spent quality time .... 

 

 

1/10/10 As I reflect over the last few months, I don't know how in the world I made it this far. Thank God... Thank God...Through the pain, many tears, I am very happy, loving my family and friends and prayer supporters ......just everyone!!!!  My spirits are high ...five days an counting...

 

Cynthia Renee